 "Do your own thing and stop caring about what others think." You've likely read or heard this sentiment at some point, if not many times. But is this sound advice? Do you benefit by living your life with no concern or regard for what other people think? Despite being well-intentioned, when taken literally or at face value, this sentiment overlooks the reality of who we are as human beings, how we function, and what it takes to maintain healthy, harmonious relationships. Caring about what others think is mature and healthy. Caring about what others think is the sign of a mature, healthy mental and emotional state. The capacity and willingness to care about what others are thinking, feeling, and experiencing is central to healthy relationships; this applies both at an individual and societal level. At the same time, worrying about what others think can interfere with your ability to express yourself truthfully, and prevent you from living your life as you would truly like to. As with so many things in life, the key lies in taking a nuanced approach and finding the right balance. For most people, that balance does indeed encompass caring about what others think, but without being overly worried or controlled by what others think. Caring about what others think vs. being controlled by what others think. Have you ever gone along with something you didn't feel good about in order to please others and avoid conflict? Maybe it was something you knew was wrong; or perhaps it was something that went against your core values. We find ourselves in an unhealthy and potentially dangerous place when we're so caught up in caring about about what others think, we're willing to dismiss our standards or violate our conscience. It's also possible to find yourself failing to do something you really want to do, out of fear it may disappoint, upset, or garner disapproval from people around you. When you abandon deeply held dreams or passions to appease others, it leaves you feeling empty, discouraged, and dissatisfied. You start to feel as if your very soul is fractured due to the sense of disharmony between who you really are and how you're living. At this point, you've gone well beyond simply caring about what others think; you're allowing yourself to be controlled and held captive by what others think. This level of self-neglect might seem convenient in the short run as a way to keep the peace and not rock the boat, but it almost always leads anger, frustration, and deep resentment over time (all of which can wind up manifesting as depression).  There's nothing wrong with considering others or meeting someone in the middle. Relationships of all kinds are an ongoing dance of give and take, as we negotiate space, needs, and wants. Selfishness, self-centredness, or self-absorption on either person's part won't build trust and intimacy, nor will it contribute to strong bonds. On the contrary, it's likely to be damaging and destructive. Considering others or meeting someone in the middle does not have to be synonymous with sacrificing your own needs or giving up your identity. Provided the people around you aren't being selfish or unreasonable in their expectations, it's often possible to find a way to pursue your own agenda without alienating those around you if you're willing to exercise some creativity and a win-win mindset. In fact, simply making it known that you do in fact care about what someone else thinks and feels makes a huge difference in situations where there seem to be conflicting interest or emotions are running high. When someone knows their thoughts matter, that in itself is reassuring and validating. This naturally contributes to a sense of safety and security, which in turn leads to decreased defensiveness and greater openness. Caring about what others think still allows room for disagreement, truth, self-interest, and independence. It's possible to care about what others think while still having occasional disagreements, speaking truthfully, pursuing your own interests, and maintaining a level of independence. However, concern for others means you'll take the needs of others into account alongside your own needs, and you'll navigate forward in a loving, thoughtful, and considerate way. In practical terms, this means you'll:
The ability to engage this way is a sign of maturity and emotional intelligence. It allows you to feel good about yourself and your decisions; and it contributes to stronger, healthier relationships because the people around you know they matter. Conclusion Should you care what others think? Absolutely! It's all about striking the right balance between taking responsibility for yourself and your own interests, while maintaining a healthy consideration for the interests of others.
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