Don't Get Stuck With Goals That Make You Feel Trapped, Burdened, or Drained

Goals are exciting and energizing.  A goal gives you something to focus on immediately, while also providing something to look forward to.  Whether you're saving for a special vacation, or trying to be more punctual, the focus and discipline required to achieve a goal can bring out the best in you.

At the same time, instead of feeling inspired and motivated by our goals, you can find yourself feeling trapped by them.  You don't gain by pursuing a goal that only leaves you feeling trapped, burdened or drained.  Here are four ways you can prevent that from happening. 

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1.  Distinguish between feeling challenged vs. feeling burdened.
 
Whether your goal is health related, financial, or something else entirely, it's going to take some effort.  We describe "working" towards a goal precisely because there's work involved.  It's normal to feel challenged as you push yourself and overcome obstacles on the way to reaching your goal.  However, there's a big difference between feeling challenged vs. feeling burdened. 
 
Feeling challenged stretches you, without overwhelming you and draining you.  When you feel challenged, you feel good about the steps you're taking and the effort required, even when those steps aren't easy.  You're able to proceed with confidence, even if there are some unknowns; and there's an inner sense of satisfaction about what you're doing.   
 
Feeling burdened, on the other hand, is something entirely different, and far more unpleasant.  A burdensome goal creates a sense of heaviness that you feel inside; and you may even start to feel that heaviness within your physical body as well. 

If you feel burdened by your goal, that's a clear indication something isn't quite right.  Press pause and take some time to reassess what you've committed yourself to.
 

2.  Adjust your goals to reflect your changing needs.

As you grow and mature as a person, your needs also change.  Your preferences and priorities may shift slightly; or they may shift dramatically.  A goal that made perfect sense a while back, simply might not make as much sense anymore.  There's nothing wrong with the goal itself, it just doesn't hold the same relevance or fit into your life the way it did initially. 
 
Be prepared to adjust your goals to reflect your ongoing growth and changing needs.  Getting older, health changes, new relationships, life experience, and family responsibilities are just a few of the many factors that impact who you are and what you need at any give time.

Recognize when a prior goal is no longer a good fit for who you've become and where you are at this point in your life. 

3.  Check that you're pursuing your own goals, not someone else's.

A goal might sound great in theory, and it might be  ideal for someone else.  But that doesn't make it the right goal for you. 

Pursuing goals that don't align with your own personal values puts you on the road to getting yourself stressed out and tied up in knots.  This can easily happen when you feel compelled to please people around you, all the more when the values, opinions, and priorities  of those people differ from yours.  Before you know it, perhaps even without noticing that it's happening, you're being swept along by someone else's agenda. 
 
If you feel a sense of pressure around your goals, consider asking yourself why you're doing whatever it is that you're doing.  Is this goal something you genuinely want and care about, or are you trying to please someone else?  You're far more likely to find the pursuit and attainment of a goal fulfilling when that goal is truly your own. 
 

4.  Know when to abandon a goal, regardless of what you've invested.

Walking away from a goal you've set for yourself can be difficult, even when the goal no longer has a worthwhile place in your life. Even as your enthusiasm wanes and you find it increasingly difficult to stay focused, you may still feel compelled to dig your heels in and plow on.  You hold yourself hostage with self-talk that associates walking away from your goal with failure.  Instead of wrapping things up, you persist and persevere, albeit joylessly.
 
Persistence and perseverance are great qualities.  There's much to be said for pushing on and staying the course in the face of hardship and setbacks.  But there's no point persisting and persevering for something you don't genuinely care about.  You don't gain by allowing a misguided commitment to rob you of precious time and energy.  Know when it's time to abandon a goal, regardless of what you may have already invested in it. 
 
Rather than viewing things in terms of quitting or failure, reframe the situation by identifying what you've learned and gained.  There's bound to be something of value, if not many things, you can extract from the experience and the time you invested.  It may very well be that your efforts were a necessary step in your path, meant to prepare you for something much bigger and better ahead.

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