 Is change good, bad, or something else entirely? Looking back on some of the major changes in your life, there were probably times when you welcomed change with open arms, eager to discover whatever lay ahead. There have likely been occasions when instead of welcoming change, you resisted and ran from it — even when you knew change of some sort was unavoidable or perhaps very much needed. Part of what makes change so unnerving is its inherent unpredictability. Even a minor change in life can be an intense experience that destabilizes us and leaves us feeling disoriented. No matter how much you try to plan and prepare for it, change has the potential to wind up encompassing more than you bargained for. The following excerpt vividly captures that intensity and that element of the unexpected which change inherently possesses:
The question of whether change is inherently good or bad is complicated, layered, nuanced, and multifaceted. It really isn't an either-or question, and framing it that way misses the mark right from the get-go, when there are so many angles to explore. Reaping the Rewards of Deliberate Change There’s undoubtedly a wonderful sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that comes when you reap the rewards of making a conscious and deliberate change in a specific area. Consider, for example, that you’ve made a concerted effort to be more accommodating and accepting in your marriage. Instead of rushing in with criticism and correction every time your spouse expresses an opinion you disagree with, you strive to be more accepting of what you perceive as your spouse’s flawed reasoning. Even on those occasions where inwardly you’re convinced your view is the “right” one and your spouse is wrong, you recognize it’s not worth creating friction over petty issues that are of no real consequence. Your relationship becomes more harmonious, there’s less nitpicking back and forth, and you appreciate the new and improved dynamic. You feel good about yourself for the deliberate change you made which had such a positive impact.  The Surprise Element of Change There’s also the surprise element of change, as in you’re surprised to discover how you’ve changed over time. For instance, the emotion-fuelled, knee-jerk reaction you would normally have in response to behaviour you find disagreeable is replaced with a gentler, calmer response. “How on earth could someone do that?!” has become, “Maybe there’s something going on behind the scenes I don’t know about.” When and how did that change in attitude happen? It didn’t happen all at once, nor did it happen due to conscious or deliberate effort. Yet somehow, you’ve changed nonetheless; you’ve mellowed over time. A little less dogmatic and judgmental, a little more understanding and forgiving. The years have steadily been softening the rough edges, while sharpening your ability to perceive shades of grey where before you only saw stark black and white. Conflict Between the Head and the Heart What about conflict-between-head-and-heart kind of change? Something happens in your life and from your head, you’re able to explain it calmly and clearly. However, the condition of your heart is neither calm nor clear as you say to yourself or to others, “The relationship is over and there’s no way to salvage it,” or, “I wish I hadn’t been so thoughtless and shortsighted,” or, “The damage is irreparable.” You’re shattered on the inside. The world seems shattered on the outside. You understand intellectually that reality has changed, but your heart hasn’t caught up yet. You’re in turmoil, agonizing as you try to make sense of this new reality you’re forced to deal with. You didn’t ask for change, but it happened; now you need to deal with it. As you navigate the terrain of this new reality, you feel the strain and exhaustion as you work to reconcile the conflict that exists between your head and your heart. Far from wanting to embrace the change, you want to run as far away from it as you possibly can. But of course, you can’t run away from it, nor can you escape all the implications, ramifications, and consequences. Change as a Summer Rain or Tidal Wave No-one escapes change in life. Change washes over each and every one of us in some way, shape or form. At times, it arrives like a pleasant summer rain, dancing on the skin, reviving the senses, and leaving the air feeling fresher and cleaner.  Sometimes it’s the exhilarating feeling of being on a surfboard atop a big, powerful wave; a perfect moment where everything falls into place beautifully and there’s nowhere else in the world you would rather be.
Other times, it’s a violent tidal wave, forcing you to summon all the strength you have to hold yourself together, and you question—perhaps even doubt—whether you’ll make it out in one piece. Friend or Foe? Ultimately, change is a friend, lover, guide, mentor, trickster, tormentor, refresher, and liberator all rolled into one, revealing different sides at different times. And yes, there are occasions when change appears before us as a threatening and fearsome foe, unwanted and unwelcome. Yet those occasions often turn out to be critical junctures that force us to wrestle with who we are, who we wish to be, and where we wish to go in life—sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally. The process may be messy, unpleasant, exhausting, and nerve-wracking as it unfolds, leaving some wounds and scars afterwards. At the same time, it can serve as the equivalent of an emotional, spiritual, or metaphysical veil being lifted, such that everything thereafter looks entirely different. Change can make the tears flow until you’re convinced there can’t possibly be any tears left. Change can make you laugh hysterically due to the absurdity of the circumstances you find yourself in. Change can leave you in stunned disbelief and shock, barely able to comprehend what’s happening. Change can awaken something inside you that you didn’t even know was there, or reawaken something that had long been dormant. Change can bring an entire world into view that you never knew existed. Change can unfold as a crazy, ridiculous, exciting, awful, fabulous, torturous, unbelievable, indescribable, wouldn’t-trade-it-for-anything-in-the-world mix of any or all of the above. And when it comes to those “wouldn’t-trade-it-for-anything-in-the-world” moments, anyone who has experienced such a moment will agree those are, without a doubt, some of the best moments in life.
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